Calm the Storm: Finding Calm When You Struggle with Perfectionism and Anxiety
Finding calm starts with small, mindful moments
— like journaling with a warm cup of coffee in the morning light.
Before diving into the topic, let me share a brief story about my own experience with perfectionism. There was a time when I spent countless nights reworking a project, convinced that it was never quite good enough. Despite receiving praise the next day, I couldn't shake the feeling that I could have done better. This pattern of perfectionism led me to realize the importance of recognizing and challenging unrealistic standards. By learning to accept that not everything needs to be perfect, I started to find more peace and satisfaction in my work. Do you ever feel like no matter how much you accomplish, it's still not enough? Understanding that shift helped me develop the actionable advice I am about to share, which I hope will guide you toward finding greater calm in your life.
Maybe you check off every task on your to-do list. But instead of feeling relieved, you’re already thinking about what’s next. And when things don’t go perfectly, even small mistakes can feel like major failures.
This experience is common among high-achieving adults, many of whom contend with anxiety that is directly linked to perfectionistic tendencies. Recent scholarship defines perfectionism as the conviction that self-worth is contingent upon the attainment of exceptional achievements or the maintenance of an impeccable personal image (Acceptance and Commitment Skills for Perfectionism and High-Achieving Behaviors: Do Things Your Way, Be Yourself, and Live a Purposeful Life, 2021). This belief system can perpetuate a cycle of chronic self-evaluation and anxiety, underscoring the need for evidence-based strategies to address its psychological impact.
The anxiety associated with perfectionism transcends ordinary ambition or constructive motivation; it is fundamentally driven by fear, specifically the fear of personal inadequacy, disappointing significant others, or losing a sense of control (Rowett & Amanda, 2013). These pervasive fears can systematically erode an individual's psychological well-being over time. Empirical research indicates that persistent perfectionistic anxiety contributes to sleep disturbances and impairs cognitive functioning, thereby rendering even minor decisions disproportionately stressful (Johann et al., 2017). Furthermore, this affective state can diminish one’s capacity to experience satisfaction and positive affect following achievements, while simultaneously undermining interpersonal relationships. The chronic presence of anxiety thus not only curtails fulfillment but also hinders the formation and maintenance of meaningful social connections, amplifying feelings of isolation and emotional distress.
As a therapist, I often see this. People may appear calm and capable on the outside, but they often feel anxious, restless, and self-critical on the inside. (Perfectionism as a vulnerability following appearance-focused social comparison: A multi-wave study with female adolescents, 2022) The good news? You can break free from this cycle. Here’s how to start finding calm when perfectionism and anxiety take over.
1. Recognize the Patterns
The first step toward change is awareness.
Notice how perfectionism shows up daily. Maybe you spend hours editing one email, feel anxious asking for help, or replay conversations in your head, wondering if you said the wrong thing.
Common perfectionist thoughts sound like:
“If I don’t do it perfectly, I’ve failed.”
“I can’t rest until everything is done.”
“If I make a mistake, people will think less of me.”
When you notice these thoughts, pause. Simply naming them without judgment helps you separate your identity from your inner critic. It’s not you that’s the problem. It’s the unrealistic standard you’ve been taught to carry.
For one week, gently observe and name the moments when you feel tension or self-criticism starting to arise. Try to approach this with compassionate curiosity, noting the situations without judgment. You'll begin to see patterns and understand what perfectionism aims to protect, often revealing fears of rejection or a sense of unworthiness. (The Irrational Core Beliefs Driving People Pleasers and Perfectionists, n.d.) To assist with this process, consider starting a simple daily journal where each evening you jot down one situation where you felt perfectionist tendencies arise. Make note of what triggered this feeling and how you responded. Over time, this tracking can help highlight common patterns and encourage self-awareness in a structured, actionable way.
2. Reframe Your Thinking
Perfectionism thrives on all-or-nothing thinking. This is the belief that things are either right or wrong, success or failure, perfect or worthless. (Jones & W., 2023)
But life isn’t black and white. It’s full of gray spaces where growth and grace can exist.
When your inner critic says, “I should’ve done better,” try asking:
“What would I say to a friend in this situation?”
You’d likely offer compassion, not criticism.
Practice replacing harsh self-talk with gentle truth:
Instead of “I messed up,” say “I’m learning as I go.”
Instead of “This isn’t good enough,” try “This is progress, and progress matters.”
Instead of “People expect perfection,” remind yourself, “People connect more with authenticity than perfection.”
Reframing your thoughts helps retrain your brain to focus on progress, not perfection. (Navigating Perfectionism and OCD: The Cognitive-Behavioral Approach to Mental Wellbeing, n.d.) The more you practice, the easier it becomes. You can start to release the anxiety tied to unrealistic standards.
3. Anchor Yourself in Mindful Practices
Anxiety lives in the body. When perfectionism sends your nervous system into overdrive, mindfulness brings you back to the present moment. (Hollander & L., n.d.)
Here are a few ways to ground yourself when your mind is racing: To quickly refocus, try a 30-second sensory exercise. Start by placing your feet firmly on the floor and noticing the connection with the ground. Name three sounds you hear around you. This brief practice shifts your attention to the present moment, helping you feel anchored even on hectic days. Even if you're in a rush, taking a single deep breath or a short pause can provide noticeable relief and is a valid step toward calming down.
Deep breathing: Try inhaling for 4 counts, holding for 7, and exhaling for 8.
Journaling: Write your thoughts each morning or night. Seeing them on paper brings perspective.
Prayer or meditation: Spend quiet time connecting with God or your spiritual center. This reminds you your worth doesn’t depend on performance.
Peace journal: Write three things that went well or moments of gratitude daily. This shifts your focus to what’s working.
Even five minutes a day can help you reset your body and mind. It gives you the calm you’ve been craving. (Arora & n/a, n.d.)
4. Lean on Support
Although perfectionists frequently internalize the belief that they must address challenges independently, empirical evidence underscores the importance of social support in the process of psychological recovery (Hall & K., 2025). Seeking assistance, whether through individual therapy, group therapy, or peer networks, constitutes a proactive strategy that facilitates the acquisition of adaptive coping mechanisms and the attainment of emotional stability (Anxiety & Perfectionism, n.d.). Group interventions, in particular, offer a structured environment for shared experiences and mutual reinforcement, thereby fostering collective resilience (The Effect of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy based on Group Therapy on Perfectionism and Quality of Life in Perfectionists, 2022). Supplementary support can be derived from peer groups and online communities, which provide accessible platforms for guidance and communal connection (Choi et al., 2025; Anxiety Support Group, n.d.). Thus, engagement with diverse support systems significantly augments personal growth and mitigates the isolating effects of perfectionism.
Therapy is not about fixing you. It’s about helping you see yourself through a lens of compassion and truth, not constant criticism.
If you’re a person of faith, integrating spiritual principles into your therapy can be powerful. Understanding grace, surrender, and identity in Christ can bring deep relief from endless striving for perfection. (Self-Forgiveness Therapy: A Christian Counseling Approach to Healing and Grace, 2025)
You don’t have to do this alone. Support helps you rediscover peace and purpose.
5. Practice Self-Compassion
If judgment fuels perfectionism, self-compassion is the cure.
It’s easy to extend kindness to others, but hard to give it to yourself. Yet, self-compassion isn’t self-pity. It’s about acknowledging your humanity. Research by Kristin Neff, a pioneer in the field of self-compassion, has shown that self-compassion can lead to measurable change, such as reducing cortisol levels and increasing resilience. (Neff & Kristin, 2015) By incorporating self-compassion into your life, you can provide yourself with the scientific basis for making meaningful progress on your journey to well-being.
Start with these small practices:
Speak kindly to yourself, even when you make mistakes.
Give yourself permission to rest guilt-free.
Remind yourself daily: “My worth is not measured by my productivity.”
When you treat yourself like someone who deserves care and understanding, anxiety loosens its grip.
6. Embrace Progress Over Perfection
Healing perfectionism doesn’t mean giving up your goals. It means redefining success.
Real peace comes from embracing progress, not perfection. Some days we'll move forward, and other days we'll need rest. Both are valid and part of our growth.
Finding calm in the middle of anxiety isn’t a one-time fix. It’s a lifestyle of gentle awareness, grace, and intentional choices. These steps lead you toward peace, one step at a time.
A Faith-Based Approach to Healing
At Anchor of Peace, I believe peace isn’t something you have to earn. It’s something you can return to.
Faith-integrated therapy offers a nuanced framework for addressing perfectionism by incorporating spiritual practices that cultivate psychological well-being and promote self-acceptance. Within this therapeutic modality, structured interventions such as prayer and scriptural reflection are intentionally employed to foster emotional grounding and alleviate performance-based anxiety. Initiating sessions with prayer may facilitate the establishment of a contemplative state, while engagement with scriptural passages emphasizing intrinsic human worth can serve to reorient self-perception away from achievement-based valuation. This integrative approach recognizes the intersection of spiritual beliefs and mental health, enabling clients to internalize a sense of value and identity that is not contingent upon external accomplishments. Consequently, faith-integrated practices function both as coping mechanisms and as foundational elements in the reconstruction of self-worth, supporting holistic recovery from perfectionistic tendencies.
This view not only eases anxiety but also invites freedom. It allows you to pursue excellence without exhaustion, care deeply without burning out, and experience calm even in uncertainty.
Final Thoughts: Your Worth Was Never Meant to Be Earned
To find calm and clarity, take small, intentional steps: notice your perfectionist patterns, reframe negative thoughts, use mindful practices, and show yourself daily grace. Each of these steps is a key takeaway to help you break the cycle of anxiety and perfectionism.
You don’t need to be perfect to achieve peace. Key takeaway: just show up, taking one imperfect step at a time.
If you’re ready to manage your anxiety and perfectionism with more grace and balance, try my faith-based anxiety resources. These include printable worksheets, guided journals, and therapy tools designed for high-achievers who crave calm.
Visit Anchor of Peace or my Etsy shop for downloadable tools that support your journey to peace and confidence.
When you’re ready for deeper support, schedule an appointment with me. Begin your own path toward calm, clarity, and freedom.
